How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize