You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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