She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
