oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
