I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
