Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
