His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
