I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
