please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
