A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
