think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
