Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
