he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
