I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
