is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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