well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
