Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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