Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
