my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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