Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I love having hate sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
