Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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