Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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