I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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