Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
