He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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