If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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