someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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