You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
