He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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