can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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