You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think your dad took our porno
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
