Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
