Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
