I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
