Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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