what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
