Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
