my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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