I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
im on a boat
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