there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize