It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
