The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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