he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
