real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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