eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
