trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
