My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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