They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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