Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
