The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
