I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
