Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
