I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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