he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
