i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
