i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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