Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
