Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
