I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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