I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
