I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I supernannyed him into submission
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