what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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