my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's never too late to be topless.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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