I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
